I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
