How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
