I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
whose parrot is this?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I enjoy the company of your penis
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
