don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
COCAINE IS GR8
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
