saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
