im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize