i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
There's always time for handjobs
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
