dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
