My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
