I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Sorry my hands just texted you
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
