Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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