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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
