It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
