Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
