every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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