i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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