Moan for me like Helen Keller
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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