Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
