How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
