Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
