I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
