I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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