I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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