I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize
