well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
