Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
