We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
