does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
