I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
