Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
It's blow job season.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
