I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
vagina is talking i cant
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
How external is "for external use only"?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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