On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
