Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
