still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
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