the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
