Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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