the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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