I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm sobbing to NWA
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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