Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
