That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
