I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
