So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
