Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
