Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
