just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
