dude i'm inner monologue high
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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