sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize