Sponge bath it is.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
