Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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