For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize