I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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