I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
How naked do you want me to be?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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