If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
