Yo dont text me then not text me
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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