Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
