She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
