I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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