I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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