I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
