why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
