I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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