I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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