Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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