The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
