Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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