and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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