in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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