I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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