I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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