Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
