I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
