they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
