I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize