you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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