I accidentally burped into my bong.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
