I wish I could punch you in the face.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
