He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize