Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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