You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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