I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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