Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
In America we eat man semen.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
