my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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