I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
