I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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