so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
