I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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