HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
