I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
