you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
my sisters under your porch take her home
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
