I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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