why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
