the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
