people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize