just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
